areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
