I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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