Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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