I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
