I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
