well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
