i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
