I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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