She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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