Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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