Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize