Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
