there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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