Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
