I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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