How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize