Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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