I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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