he puts the penis in happiness.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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