Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
