He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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