Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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