Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
