Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
