Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
