Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
