So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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