man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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