U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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