For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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