I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
