you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize