dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
