apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
