Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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