I wish my penis had an off switch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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