Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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