Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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