my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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