Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
