I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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