just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He had one of those small greek statue penises
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
