I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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