I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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