I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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