The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
