i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize