So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
