Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
