You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize