i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
