you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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