I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
