We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
