Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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