I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
