you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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