Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
