He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dick has a subreddit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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