you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
