Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
