I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
