I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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