I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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