Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
in the oven.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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