Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
