Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I deserve this hangover.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
