you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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