Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize