i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
